Heavy Heart to Carry
by KateDevlin
Summary: Edward never came back in New Moon and now Bella is at school at the University of Washington. What happens when their paths cross once again?
1. Chapter 1

This story takes place after Edward left Bella in New Moon. She is attending the University of Washington. All other details will reveal themselves in time, so just be patient.

**Chapter 1 **

Bella touched the delicate skin under her eye with her index finger. It had already begun to darken. She sighed inaudibly as she pulled a well-used jar of concealer from her bathroom drawer and began to apply it to her bruised face. She had barely finished the process when she heard a light knock on the door.

"Bella? Are you almost done? I slept in on accident and have class in fifteen minutes," the voice said gently.

"Yeah Liz, sorry. I'll be done in a minute," Bella answered , and finished applying the rest of her makeup quickly. A fully made up face had become necessary in the previous few months. She opened the door less than a minute later, and came face to face with her roommate. "It's all yours," she said.

"Will you wait for me?"Liz asked as she walked into the bathroom. Their ten o'clock class that morning was the only one they had together, and Liz had desperately tried to use it to get closer to Bella.

"Sure," was all Bella said, walking into her bedroom to grab her backpack. She waited a few more minutes before the bathroom door opened and her roommate walked out.

"Okay, I'm ready. Let's go." Bella got up from where she sat and they left the dorm room silently. After a few moments, Liz finally spoke.

"You know, Bella, that guy from our class has asked about you. Maybe you should talk to him; he seems like a really sweet guy," she said, trying to initiate, once again, another futile conversation regarding Bella's dating life.

"Thanks for thinking about me Liz, but you know I have a boyfriend," Bella answered politely. She hoped desperately that Liz would drop it, but knew it wouldn't end there.

"You know it's not getting any better, don't you?" Liz said gently, resisting the urge to grab Bella's arm and stop her so they could have a real conversation.

"I don't know what you're talking about Liz," Bella said quietly, her voice emitting no sense of emotion. "Everything is fine."

Liz stared at the sad girl walking next to her for a moment before nodding and letting the conversation end, just like so many other conversations that had been left unfinished. They arrived at their destination only a few minutes later and walked into the lecture hall.

The class seemed to last forever to Bella, who's sense of time had slowed to almost a standstill. Every second felt like a thousand years, and it took everything she had to endure the eternity she had left without him.

Bella traced the light scars on the insides of her wrist with her knuckles as the professor droned on about the last thing she wanted to hear about that day. The class was Shakespearean Literature. The play was _Romeo and Juliet_. The date was September 13th.

Thinking of past pain allowed her to forget the pain in the present. And today, that present pain was almost too overwhelming for her to handle. Exactly one year prior she had put those scars on her wrists. And she didn't know if this year would be a repeat performance.

At least she had Kevin, her boyfriend of four months, this year. He didn't know it was her birthday though. Nobody did. She kept most aspects of her personal life private, and nobody, save for her overly caring roommate, seemed to mind. Not even said boyfriend.

It wasn't a secret that Kevin liked to use Bella as his personal punching bag. Her apathetic demeanor and seemingly ungracious nature, however, caused more people to shy away from her than try and save her. Again, save for Liz.

The class was dismissed and Bella rose from her seat, intending to meet Kevin outside the classroom. He always waited for her after that class. She grabbed her bag and walked toward the door, ignoring the fact that Liz tried to keep up with her.

She saw her boyfriend only a few feet from her, but before she could reach him, she tripped. A strong hand gripped her tender upper arm before she could fall to the ground however.

"Can you watch where you're going at least once in your life?" Kevin hissed in her ear as he helped steady her.

"Sorry," Bella mumbled, keeping her eyes on her unmoving feet.

"Fine. Let's go," he said as he began to drag her in the direction of her next class. Though he had warned her to watch where she was going, it didn't stop her from bumping into another student as they made their way to the science building.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Bella said, looking up. The stranger turned around, locking his beautiful, butterscotch colored eyes with her listless, chocolate brown ones.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

In an instant, Bella's life changed. The moment she made eye contact with him she knew she had to make a decision. There was no way she could go on living this way, or at all. Not when she could be so happy. But they didn't want her. The only people in the world that could make her happy didn't want her. And that was worse than having nobody at all.

Bella froze in place, causing Kevin to groan in frustration. When he noticed his girlfriend staring at the beautiful stranger, however, his overly aggressive nature took over.

"What the hell do you want man? What are you staring at?" he said, moving himself in between the two.

"My apologies," he said, nodding in Bella's direction. Though most would have been afraid of Kevin's threatening tone, this person was not. Instead, he just kept staring in the direction of the broken girl he had once known.

"Jasper," Bella whispered, too quietly to be heard. She knew, however, that he would hear. And that he would hear the pain she evoked when she said it.

"Bella, come on," Kevin said, trying to pull her away from the scene, unaware that she knew this person. She, however, refused to budge. Instead, she unconsciously moved closer to the person standing on a few feet in front of her. "Bella, what the fuck. Let's go," he said in frustration. Bella felt the grip on her arm tighten, and she knew she would have a bruise later. The pull of the pain, however, didn't compare to the pull she felt to her long-lost friend.

A movement a few yards to Bella's left caught her attention. Even from the corner of her eye, she recognized the bronze colored hair that she had so desperately yearned for the past two years. She willed herself not to look in that direction, but the drawing force was too strong to ignore. She moved her gaze only slightly, knowing exactly what she would find.

And there, mere feet away from her, stood the man that she had once loved. The man she still loved, with every fiber of her being. She felt her knees get weak as she made eye contact. It was obvious that he was just as shocked to see her as she was to see him. As soon as they saw each other, however, everything else seemed to disappear. The pain from Kevin's grip was still there, but it kept her grounded. It prevented her from thinking that it was all just a dream.

Her breath hitched, and she felt herself start to get dizzy. At that moment she felt something on her other arm. It was the exact opposite of Kevin's hot, hard grip. The hand itself was hard, but instead of gripping Bella's own arm in a death grip, it only laid there gently. And the cold. It was the cold, at-once devastatingly familiar but now almost forgotten, that made Bella start to see spots.

It was all too overwhelming for Bella's fragile mental state to handle. Her body ignored the firm grip on her left arm, and instead brought the ground perilously close to Bella's bruised and battered face. She vaguely heard the familiar voice of her best friend call out to Emmett before she blacked out entirely.


	3. Chapter 3

I know these chapters have been quite short, but I did that on purpose. As more details reveal themselves, the chapters will get longer (I hope). Right now I just wanted to set everything up, but it's not over yet. I promise

**Chapter 3**

Kevin watched in irritation as his pathetic girlfriend passed out for no known possible reason. She had probably forgotten to eat again or something, he thought. He made a half-hearted attempt to catch her as she fell to the ground, but didn't really expect to prevent her from hitting the hard pavement. He was therefore surprised when he didn't hear the crack of her skull as it connected with the floor, and instead watched as the small woman to Bella's right brought her down gently.

"Emmett," the young woman called out as she supported Bella's head in her lap, never letting it touch the filthy cement. Kevin noticed at once how hot the girl was, momentarily forgetting his embarrassment at his girlfriend's spectacle. Kevin's overly typical male brain usually caused him to notice the appearance of a woman before the circumstances that had brought them together. Once that necessary observation was fulfilled, however, he once again remembered his role in the situation and dropped to his knees to care for his girlfriend.

"I got it," he said, trying to take Bella from the unknown girl's care. When she didn't budge, but instead glared at Kevin for no apparent reason whatsoever, he let his personality shine through, thus proving to Alice what she had known all along. "Come on lady, that's my girlfriend. I can take care of it," he said angrily this time, reaching roughly for the delicate girl that Alice was holding.

"No," Alice (whose name Kevin still didn't know) spat out in disgust. "We _will_ take care of _her_." At that, Bella was picked up by another stranger, unfamiliar to Kevin or those around him, including Liz who watched the scene from the sidelines. She was unsure of whether or not she should intervene, but decided to hold back, at least for now.

The guy who now held Bella protectively in his arms also glared at Kevin, who was almost a foot shorter than him. "You're really lucky I care about her more than I want to smash your face in right now," he said, intimidating those around him even more and causing everyone in the general vicinity to take a step back. At that Emmett began walking in the direction of his father's office, and right by the brother that had caused the mess they were currently in.

"I can carry her," Edward said softly as Emmett walked by. Instead of handing his brother the damaged girl in his arms, however, Emmett walked directly past, shooting his brother a look that paralleled the one he had just given Kevin. Edward watched helplessly as the girl he loved more than any other being was carried away from him.

Everyone in Emmett's path stopped to watch as he walked by. The spectacle was not due to a man carrying a girl that had fainted. In any other situation, most would be concerned for the girl's safety. But those who watched as the intimidating new student cradled the small girl tenderly in his arms knew she was safe. Because no indifferent person would show that much care for someone they didn't love.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Emmett arrived at his father's office with an entourage. Alice walked to Emmett's right, silent and determined. On Emmett's other side walked Kevin, intermittently attempting to take Bella from his arms. Directly behind Alice trailed Jasper, who's eyes conveyed a sadness comparable only to the continued torment of the missing Edward. Behind Jasper, and a few feet to the right, was Liz, who timidly followed the group though she was unsure if she belonged. Noticeably absent from the group was the one person who could fix everything.

Carlisle was working at the University as a professor in the Medical School and his office was on the outskirts of campus. He was working on grading papers when the group reached his office and watched silently as the girl he still considered his daughter was brought in and placed gently on the couch. Alice glanced briefly at her father and Rosalie, who was sitting in the chair across from Carlisle's desk, before shutting the door firmly in the faces of Kevin and Liz. Edward was still nowhere to be seen.

As soon as the door was closed, Carlisle was at Bella's side. "What on earth happened to you my dear child," he whispered rhetorically to himself as traced the bruises Bella had attempted to cover up that morning.

"I was able to catch her before she hit the ground, but I'm afraid that her fainting is the least of our problems," Alice said, gesturing to the hand-shaped mark on Bella's upper arm that was already starting to darken. Rosalie, who had stayed in her position at the desk, got up and walked toward the small group that had formed around Bella. She said nothing, but to everyone's surprise, knelt down next to Carlisle and began stroking her hair. The disdainful gaze that Rosalie had normally bestowed upon the girl had been miraculously replaced, not by a look of pity, but of empathy. At the unfamiliar touch, Bella's began to wake up.

Jasper had been the only one other than Edward that had seen the utter lifelessness that had replaced the vibrancy in Bella's eyes. Once they opened in the room full of members from her former family, the sadness that they conveyed utterly took over. Had the immortals in the room been able to shed tears, not one eye would have been dry. Alice choked back a sob as she watched her former best friend and sister, take in the scene around her. She wasn't scared or surprised or even angry. She just was.

"Bella?" Carlisle said gently as he held her lifeless hand in his own. "Bella, do you know where you are?"

"No," was all she said, looking absently at the faces in the room and showing no indication of recognition.

"Bella, you passed out in the courtyard. Emmett carried you to my office. Do you remember us?" Carlisle asked. He held his breath waiting for her answer.

"Of course I do," she said in an emotionless tone. The banging on the door resumed and she turned her head in that direction. The fear in her eyes was apparent as she heard her boyfriend call out her name. "Please don't make me go out there," she whispered quietly, a tear sliding down her cheek. At the sight of Bella's obvious despair, largely due to their family's own actions, Rosalie's uncharacteristically gentle temper was replaced by one of rage. She abruptly stood, though she did not immediately remove her hand from Bella's hair. She looked briefly at the face of the girl she had once resented and turned on her heel.

"What the hell is going on in there? I have a right to be with her right now," Kevin said when Rosalie opened the door. He paused for a moment, waiting for an answer that he never received. When he realized that she wasn't going to respond, he attempted to push his way past the stone statue that had formed in front of him.

"You lost the right to be with her the moment you put your hands on her, you pig," Rosalie spat, grabbing his arm before he could get through the door. "I highly suggest you leave. Now. Or else I will personally make sure that you are never able to hurt another woman again."

The fear that Kevin had experienced with Emmett was nothing compared to what he felt when Rosalie issued this threat. He looked at her for a moment, attempting to hide the utter terror that lurked behind his eyes, before walking back down the hallway. Rosalie glanced curiously at Liz, who was waiting patiently on the bench outside, before once again shutting the door.

"Thank you," Bella said quietly, lifting her gaze to the one Cullen that had never truly embraced her. Rosalie said nothing, but instead walked to the far corner of the room where she stayed, still as stone.

"How are you feeling?" Carlisle asked, changing his role from concerned father to clinical physician. "Are you in pain? Is there any part of your body that hurts more than another?"

"No," she answered numbly, refusing to make eye contact with anybody else in the room.

"Okay, then can you tell us what happened?" he asked gently, not knowing if she would actually respond to the question.

"I don't remember," she said. She did remember what happened. She lied because she was knew he wasn't talking her passing out. Carlisle looked at her sadly, for once in his life not knowing what to do next.

"What would you like to do?" he asked, hoping she would want to stay with them.

She closed her eyes again. "I would like to sleep." They all knew there would be no more questions that day.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

At Bella's request, Alice walked her back to her dorm room. When Alice tried to leave, Bella begged her to stay. She didn't need to beg.

For three hours, Alice sat with Bella while she cried. No words were spoken. Bella just laid in her bed, with Alice next to her, as she let the silent tears fall. Finally, after shedding every tear that she had, Bella fell asleep.

Liz had left the hallway once Kevin was turned away. Though she didn't know the people that were caring for her roommate, she trusted them. She figured anyone who hated Kevin as much as she did was probably good for Bella. She returned to her dorm room after her last class of the day, not knowing what to expect. It was quiet in the room, though Bella's door was closed, indicating that she was indeed, home. Liz moved around the living room silently, setting her bag down and getting out her homework, trying not to wake Bella up in case she was sleeping. She figured she would check on her later.

It was only a few minutes into her homework when she heard a knock on the front door. She closed her computer and got up to answer it. Before she could, however, Bella's bedroom door had opened.

"I'll get it," Alice said as she walked toward to the door. Her face was angry, and Liz saw her pause before opening the front door. Standing at the threshold to their dorm was the most beautiful man Liz had ever seen. He had the most perfect face and his hair was a stunning shade of bronze. His eyes were the exact same color as the pixie that had answered the door, and they were truly breathtaking.

Liz watched the strange interaction between the two at the door. No words were spoken, but instead they just stared at each other. Finally, after a few moments, the boy spoke.

"I have a right to see her," was all he said.

Alice stared at him again for a few more seconds before speaking. "You last that right a long time ago," she said before shutting the door in his face. She glanced briefly at Liz before walking back into the bedroom and shutting the door.

Liz attempted to get on with her homework, but was distracted by the day's events. Nothing made sense and she couldn't get the nagging feeling that there was something big going on out of her head. After three failed attempts at writing the first sentence of her essay, she stood up and walked toward Bella's bedroom. She paused for a moment before knocking lightly on the door.

"It's Bella's roommate, Liz. Can I come in?" she asked softly, hoping someone would be able to hear her. There was no answer. She turned around, not wanting to bother whatever was going on, when the door opened slightly.

"You can come in," Alice said, opening the door wider so that Liz could enter. The room was almost completely dark, except for the small light on the desk in the corner. Liz saw Bella lying on top of the covers on the bed, her small framed almost curled entirely into itself and her eyes red with tears. Alice returned to her place next to Bella, while Liz sat down lightly on the corner of the bed.

They both watched the sleeping girl for a few moments before Liz spoke. "I've known her for two years, and I've never seen her cry," she said sadly. Alice looked up at the girl sitting on the bed, but said nothing. "How do you know her?" Liz said, finally asking the question she had wanted to know all day.

"I'm an old friend," Alice said simply. Liz contemplated this for a moment. Bella had never once spoken about her past, especially not her friends. She had actually wondered if Bella had ever even had friends. It shouldn't have been such a foreign concept, but it was.

Alice sat and stroked Bella's hair for a while, looking down at her former best friend. "What's she like? Alice asked, breaking the silence.

"I thought you knew her," Liz answered, confused.

Alice answered. "I did."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Liz contemplated Alice's question before answering. "She's…Bella. She's quiet and keeps to herself mostly. She doesn't have a lot of friends, except for me and Kevin. Doesn't really talk a lot about her personal life, though Lord knows I've tried to get her to talk."

"When did she get these?" Alice asked, touching the light scars on Bella's wrists. The sadness in her voice was so strong, it made Liz want to cry.

"Last year, around this time. It was just after she found out her parents had died," Liz answered, not looking Alice directly in the eyes.

"Her parents? Renee and Charlie?" Alice asked, horrified.

"Yeah, it was really painful for Bella. They died within days of each other. Charlie died in a house fire and her mom was in a bad car accident with her husband. She was pregnant too. It was so strange, they weren't even in the same place. Just a really bad coincidence I guess. She didn't even talk about it to me. I found out from the counselor that released Bella from the hospital. They wanted to make sure I was okay living with her, since I was the one that found her."

"Does she talk to anybody else? Any of her friends from high school?" Alice asked in a desperate attempt to find the Bella that she once knew.

"No, not really. She used to talk to a guy named Jacob, but they stopped talking after she cut herself. I haven't heard anything about him since," Liz answered, trying desperately to think of anything else she could give Alice, but knowing there was nothing. "Honestly, I didn't even know she had friends. I mean, I try to be her friend, but she wants nothing to do with me. She's with Kevin a lot, though I have no idea why."

"Where did she meet him?" The Bella that Alice had once known would never let someone treat her that way. There must have been a reason.

Liz sighed. "At a frat party I convinced her to go to with me. She got really drunk and slept with him. They've been together ever since. It's not a good relationship, but I'm sure you've already figured that out. I've tried to get her to leave, but she wants to be with him. I just don't get it."

Alice looked down at the girl lying next to her. She wanted to hold her and shield her from anything and everything bad in the world. Bella may still have been in pain from her parents and other things in her life, but at least she would still have a family. That is, if they hadn't left her. "Oh Bella, what have we done?" Alice whispered to herself, not knowing what to do.

The two girls sat in silence for a bit, watching their sleeping friend. It was the same person, but two different girls, that they each knew. "She hasn't always been like this," Alice finally said, breaking the comfortable silence.

"What do you mean?" Liz asked, curious as to how she used to be. "Even before her parents died, she was still the same."

"Still sad?" Alice asked, ignoring Liz's question.

"No, not even sad. I wish she were sad. She's just…emotionless. She doesn't cry or get angry or frustrated. She just lives, barely, without anything in her life. Without feeling anything. It's like she's an empty shell, but I know there's something there. There has to be something there."

Alice choked back a sob as she heard this information. If Bella had been the same before her parents died, that had to mean something else caused her to be like this. And she knew exactly what it was.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

"You said that she hasn't always been like this," Liz said. "What was she like?" Alice had almost forgotten that she had said this out loud.

"She was happy. And she had a lot to be happy about. She had friends and family. She had a boyfriend who she loved more than anything and who loved her more than anything."

"Were you one of those friends?" Liz asked softly.

"Her best. She was like my sister, and I wanted to be sisters. We should have been sisters," Alice answered. Liz didn't understand. What did she mean by they should have been sisters?

She decided not to ask the question. "What happened to the boyfriend?" Liz asked instead. Alice looked at her hard before answering.

"He's sitting outside of your front door." She said without any emotion or inflection in her voice. "He's my brother."

"The guy that came to our door is your brother? And was Bella's boyfriend? What happened?" Liz asked, even more interested now than she was before. She now understood what Alice had meant when she said they should have been sisters.

"He left her. And it left both of them broken."

Liz thought about that for a moment. There was no way that a breakup could change someone so drastically. "There has to be more to it. I mean, they must have been in high school. High school relationships never last. How can a breakup be so devastating that it changes your entire life?" She thought out loud.

The hard look Alice had given Liz returned. "You may not understand, and you don't need to understand. They were in love. Think what you want, but that's that. She was a part of our family, and she lost us all. How do you think it would make you feel?"

"I don't know. I guess I am just trying to understand. Can you tell me more? I mean, for two years I've been trying to get to know this girl, and for two years I have been denied. You say that she was different, but in two years she hasn't changed once."

Alice looked away from Liz and turned her gaze back toward Bella's stirring body. Her once luminous hair now lay dull and lifeless against the pillow. The scars from self-inflicted wounds marked her arms, and her frail, thin body looked as if it could just disappear at any moment.

"She was beautiful. She still is beautiful, but she was even more so then. It wasn't due to any conventional standard of beauty, though she would not have been considered plain by human standards. It was her heart, her ability to put everyone else above herself. It was her adorable clumsiness and the ability she had to love those people who were never worthy of her love that made her beautiful." Alice knew that Liz could take what she wanted from that statement, but to her family, it meant something entirely different.

"Maybe that's why she loves Kevin then. Nobody else would, he's such a horrible person," Liz said in disgust. Though she didn't want to believe it, maybe Bella had some sort of masochistic issue she was dealing with.

"No. She doesn't love him. I don't know why she is with him, but I know that it's not because she loves him," Alice said firmly.

Liz contemplated this for a moment, wondering if it were true. After a few moments, though, she realized that it didn't matter. Bella and Kevin were over. And that wasn't due to any determination on Liz's part.

She saw the way Bella looked when she first saw her old friends. She saw the way they looked at her. And she had seen the utter despair on the face of the man at the door. Bella really did have a family. She really did have people who loved her.

No, she and Kevin were over. And, just maybe, Liz would finally know the Bella that she had always known existed.


	8. Author's Note

**Author's Note**

Sooo…I hope you all noticed I updated a lot yesterday. 5 chapters…which is a lot for one day, I think. I don't want to be one of those people soliciting reviews in exchange for content, but I'm getting a little discouraged. I'm getting almost no feedback, and it can be hard to write when you don't have any motivation to do so.

I am in the process of writing the next chapter, and I promise it's going to be good. Let's just say it's all about Edward.

So, please give me reviews. Because I know you like it, but why? Is it actually good? Do you like the content? What direction do you want me to go in? Ah, I need something people because I'm running out of ideas!

But, on another note, here are some spoilers: Bella's parents didn't die in a fire and car accident and Jacob is gone for good. Ooooohhhh, what happens next?

That's all. Give me some love (or hate, that works too) people. Because I 3 you too!


	9. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Edward hadn't moved from the hallway outside of Bella's room, even after Alice had slammed the door in his face. He just moved from standing in front of the door to sitting next to it, his head in his hands.

He concentrated more on the thoughts coming from two girls inside whose minds he actually could read rather than focus on their conversation. There were just so many words that were left unspoken. From Liz's mind he could also see the way Bella was now. Though it was a pain far beyond anything he had experienced in his century of life, he saw her as she was now: a shattered fragment of the girl he had once loved. He still loved her, now more than ever before, but she wasn't the same. She had been broken down to almost nothingness, her frail, weak body a symbol of what was hidden inside.

There were no words to express the absolute misery he felt at seeing her. He used to spend his anguished days without his love daydreaming of the day when they would be reunited. There were hundreds, if not thousands, of possibilities. In his mind, all were happy.

It wasn't supposed to happen like this.

The moment he saw her again, he swore his heart began to beat after a hundred years. Just being ten feet from her, inhaling her scent and seeing her beautiful face again would have been enough to hold him over for another century. But then reality began to set in.

He first heard his brother's thoughts. Jealous that Jasper had been the first to see her, he looked at her through his eyes and for the first time saw the broken girl that she had become. The waves of anger Jasper felt coming from the boy next to Bella had grounded Edward even more, causing him to focus on the thoughts of the stranger. Images of Bella, battered and bruised, overwhelmed his mind, infuriating Edward to the point of almost losing control. But there were too many people to do anything. At least then.

And then she looked at him. She was even more beautiful than he remembered, but there was something off. She was too thin. Too fragile and timid. But it was her eyes that he remembered most. At first he saw the same thing everybody else saw when they looked into her eyes: pain and longing and sadness. The moment she locked eyes with him, however, he know. No, her eyes hadn't changed at all, at least not for him because they showed every ounce of love she had in herself, and it was all for him.

Watching his family care for her caused him a thousand different emotions. He was grateful that they loved her because they would take good care of her. He was relieved that he wouldn't have to face what he did to her just yet. But most of all, he was angry. Angry that Bella had to be taken care of at all.

He was angry at her boyfriend for hurting her. She was a human being, and no human being, least of all a beautiful one such as Bella, deserved to be tortured the way she did. He was angry at all the people Bella knew for not intervening in such an abusive relationship or for letting her depression survive. Oh, he was angry. More than any of those other people, however, he was angry at himself. Angry for putting her in this position for no reason at all. Because she wasn't safe, like he had promised. She was in more danger than ever before, and that danger lie in herself. And for what? Because he wanted her to live a normal human life. This was no human life. And it was all his fault.


	10. Chapter 9

Thank you all so much for the comments! They definitely gave me some motivation. I hope you guys are still enjoying everything. I know my chapters are short, but I'm trying to get out as much as I can. There's only so much I can write here when I have a full-time job, a husband, and a full novel that I'm working on.

Also, I just need to make a comment because I think it's just too funny. I mean, this is a fan-fiction site so we can't always expect perfect grammar or spelling (everyone makes mistakes, even myself). But, when I am looking for something to read and I see that people are "bad at summaries," I skip right over that story. Summaries are essential to a story, so if you actually want people to read your story, figure it out. Because if you're bad at summaries, you're going to be bad at writing. Just saying. That's all

**Chapter 9**

Eventually, after another hour spent in silence with Alice, Liz left. Though she wanted to hear more about Bella's story, she knew she had responsibilities she needed to tend to. The concern for Bella that would have kept from her study group had also been mitigated by Alice's presence. Liz hoped it would be permanent.

Alice continued to watch Bella sleep even after Liz left, wondering what had brought them to this place. There was no reason for pain in her friend's life, but somehow everything had gone terribly wrong. After a few more moments of contemplation, Bella began to stir.

"Good morning sunshine," Alice said softly as she stroked the waking girl's hair. "I mean, it's not really morning, but you get the picture."

"You're still here," Bella said, sounding almost confused.

"Of course I am. You asked me to stay."

Bella just stared at her old friend, wondering when she would leave again. "That hasn't stopped you before."

"And you have no idea how sorry I am," Alice said, a pleading look in her eyes. "I know there isn't a whole lot I can say right now to make you feel better, or to convince you how much I still care about you, but just give me time."

Bella said nothing, just got up from her bed and made her way into the bathroom. Alice listened to the shower turn on and made her way to the front room. It was decorated like a dorm room should be: an old, hand-me-down couch sat in the middle of the room, a colorful Ikea rug underneath. On the walls hung an eclectic collection of pictures and posters, awkwardly spaced and uneven. A small TV sat on top of a medium-sized bookcase that was filled with all kinds of reading material. Alice examined the contents of the shelves. There were history books and romance novels, all well-worn, their spines creased permanently.

The water in the bathroom turned off. Alice returned to the bedroom and sat back down in her original position on the bed. A few moments later Bella walked in, dressed in a pair of jeans and a T-shirt.

"I'm hungry," was all she said, looking at Alice directly in the eyes. Alice wasn't entirely sure what to do at that moment. Luckily Bella continued. "I'm going to go to the cafeteria. You can come with if you would like."

"Of course," Alice said, jumping up from the bed at her natural speed. Bella lifted an eyebrow in her direction. "What? You do remember what we are, don't you?"

Much to Alice's surprise, and delight, Bella laughed. It wasn't the laugh that Alice remembered, full of life and happiness. It was worn down from years of not being used, tired and hollow. "How could I forget?" was all she said.

As they exited Bella's bedroom, Alice mentally pleaded with her brother to leave. She played the vision she had if he stayed over and over again, the results never changing: Bella seeing Edward again, yelling and causing a scene in front of all the students in the hallway. And then her fainting again.

When Alice opened the front door, she was relieved to see her brother gone, though his scent still lingered. She knew he was following them. They began the walk to the cafeteria in silence, Bella leading the way. It was later in the evening, so the place was almost empty. After paying for their meals, Alice followed Bella around the room, picking up her own food to be used as props.

They sat down at an empty table in a deserted corner of the room, far from the other students. There, Bella ate in silence as Alice examined the food.

"You know, Bella, I don't eat. I think food in general looks and smells completely unappetizing. But even I can appreciate how utterly revolting this spaghetti is. It makes McDonalds look like a four-star restaurant," Alice said, poking at her plate while holding her breath.

"Yeah, the cooks here seem to think that students don't care about the quality of food. But on the upside, we have a Slurpee machine," Bella said, indicating the gaudy, flashing iced drink machine on the other side of the room.

Alice laughed out loud, "I have no idea what a Slurpee is, but if you're happy, I'm happy." This last comment caught Bella off guard. She had spent the past three years believing that her former family did not care about her. Apparently at least one of them did.

Before Bella could respond to Alice's confession, another body joined them at the table. And the mood plummeted from optimistic indifference to a combination of fear and anger.


	11. Chapter 10

Sorry that last chapter was so anti-climactic. This one will be better, I promise. And here's a secret about me and reviews: I have a short attention span. I have a thousand stories in my head that are dying to be written. If I don't get a sense that people are actually reading/enjoying my stories, I will move onto something else.

I really hate begging for reviews, but I guess it's inevitable. That's all.

**Chapter 10**

"Hello Bella," Kevin said, smirking. The girls were no longer protected by their big bodyguard.

"Hello Kevin," Bella said, keeping her head down. She reached for Alice's hand under the table, and gripped it tightly when she found it.

"I'm so sorry for being so rude. I'm Kevin, Bella's boyfriend," he said as he extended his hand to Alice.

Alice looked at the limb in disdain. "I'm Alice, Bella's best friend," she said, not reciprocating the gesture.

"Bella's best friend? I didn't know Bella had a best friend. I didn't even know she had friends. How do you know each other?" Kevin asked. Alice knew this was not going to end well.

"We're old friends, from high school. We just ran into each other today. I had no idea she went here," Alice said, hoping that Bella would understand what she meant.

"Oh how sweet," Kevin said sarcastically. "Bella, finish up your dinner and let's go."

Bella still hadn't made eye contact with him. "I'm not going with you Kevin," she said quietly, keeping her eyes on her plate.

"Excuse me?" he said, shocked at her sudden defiance.

"I'm going to stay here with Alice," she said, more deliberately this time. She lifted her head and looked him straight in the eyes. "I'm never going to with you again."

He stared at her for a moment before regaining his composure. And then, to Bella's further humiliation, he laughed. "Right. Who are you without me? You're nobody. Nobody likes you, and eventually you're just going to come running back to me, begging me to take you back. Let me save you the time. Let's go," and with that, he grabbed her by the arm and dragged her out of her chair.

Bella closed her eyes and let her mind go blank. It was a defense mechanism she had developed the first time he hit her. Before he could drag her out the door, however, another hand grabbed his arm.

"Let her go," Alice said threateningly. She used a normal amount of pressure in her squeeze, but she wasn't afraid to use more if he provoked her.

"No," he sneered, jerking Bella closer to him. Alice tightened her grip and he looked down in surprise. "Do you think you could take me or something little girl?" He pulled his fist back, preparing to slam it into Alice's face. As he swung, however, she moved deftly out of the way. He looked at his fist for a moment, stunned that it didn't make contact with its intended target. He smiled at her, and Alice saw what was coming as it happened.

"NO!" she yelled, trying to get to Bella at a normal human speed, but this time his fist did hit flesh.

Bella screamed in pain, blood pouring from her nose. Alice's eyes widened at the site, but didn't make an attempt to run. She knew what was coming.

Kevin smiled in sadistic pleasure, knowing that both girls had gotten what was coming. He snickered at Alice one more time before turning around to leave, Bella's arm still crushed by his painful grip.

His exit, however, was blocked. Bella watched wide eyed as Kevin took in the person standing in front of him. They were the same height, but Kevin was much more muscular. This fact gave him the unfortunate arrogance that would cause him a great deal of pain.

"Let her go," Edward said, his eyes brimming with fury. Bella stood back, frozen in awe at the scene that had unfolded.

"Get the fuck out of my way dude," Kevin said, brushing past him. He had more important things to worry about than this guy. Just as he was getting ready to lay down his second punch of the night, he howled in pain. This time it was Kevin's blood that poured all over the cafeteria floor. Regardless of this fact, however, he still had Bella's arm tightly in his grip. "You bastard," he said, raising his arm once again.

Edward then proceeded to elbow him in the stomach, not exactly at full strength but definitely using more force than a typical guy his size. At that, Kevin bended over in pain, one arm clutching his stomach while the other held Bella close.

"Let her go," Edward whispered in his ear. Kevin just stared, rage boiling in his eyes.

"No fucking way," Kevin said, spitting in Edward's direction. Bella looked at Edward in pain, her arm starting to go numb. Edward moved to Kevin's other side and began to peel away his fingers from Bella's arm, breaking each one in the process.

At each snap, Kevin grunted in pain. He succumbed to the fact that he wouldn't be getting his tonight as the delicate bones in his left thumb shattered, a tortuous ending to the night's events.

Bella ran away from her now ex-boyfriend and into the arms of Alice as Kevin's eyes began to water. "I told you to let her go," Alice said sardonically, leading Bella away from the scene. Even as they exited the cafeteria, however, Bella continued to watch as the beautiful boy that had once again been her savior waited behind.


	12. Chapter 11

Sorry it's been a while since I've updated, but I had a fun-filled weekend at Disneyland! And now I'm melting in Los Angeles' 111 heat. I guess the only good thing about work right now is free air conditioning…Anyway, enough rambling. Here's another chapter, enjoy!

And thanks everyone for their reviews, and keep them coming! They make me happy.

**Chapter 11**

"You really don't have to do this," Bella said as Alice gently wiped the blood that was coming from Bella's nose.

"Oh hush," Alice said. "Don't worry about me. You have enough to worry about as it is."

"I just don't want you to be uncomfortable."

"I'm not. Now hold still." Alice finished cleaning Bella up and grabbed an ice pack from the freezer in the kitchen. "I don't think it's broken, but you might want to put this on it just to keep any swelling down."

Bella looked at Alice helplessly as she placed the cold towel on her tender face. "Thank you," she whispered.

"You don't need to thank me," Alice said matter-of-factly. She changed the tone of her voice, though, when she saw the look that came across Bella's face. "I owe you so much more than this right now, and I swear that if it takes me a century to make everything up to you, you will realize someday how much you really mean to us."

"But you left," Bella said softly. "You didn't love me enough to stay."

Alice was the one that looked helpless this time. "I don't know if anything I can say will make you believe otherwise, but you're wrong. I loved you too much to stay. It wasn't my choice."

"What do you mean it wasn't your choice to leave? Even if Edward didn't want me anymore, you could have stayed."

"He did want you. He still does want you, but there are so many other things to worry about right now. You're right, I could have stayed. I should have stayed, honestly. But how could I go against the wishes of my brother? Especially when he thought he was doing the right thing?"

"I don't know what you mean," Bella said, avoiding eye contact with Alice.

"It's not my place to explain it to you," Alice said, lifting Bella's face so that it looked straight into hers. "I have a century to pay you back for everything we've done to you, he has a thousand years. And he will be there to explain, when you're ready."

"I'm not. Not yet," Bella said.

" I know. But now you have a few things you need to explain to me," Alice said.

"There's nothing left to say. You saw how Kevin treats me. And you saw me stand up to him, for the first time. There's nothing more to it."

"I don't just mean Kevin. I mean everything, Bella. What happened to you?"

Bella whipped her head up in anger. "You know exactly what happened to me. You left me. You all left me. And because of that, I've lost everything I've ever loved."

Alice desperately wished she could cry at that moment. But there would be no release for her. She thought that maybe it was part of her punishment, and that gave her the courage to ask her next question. "Renee? Charlie? Bella, what happened to them?"

Bella was silent for a few moments before answering. "You thought you had protected me when you killed James. But instead, you put me, and everyone else I loved, in more danger than we had been in before."

Okay, so sue me. I love cliffhanger endings. I'll be posting the next chapter today, so it really isn't that much of a cliffhanger. I just feel a dramatic ending to a chapter fits with the style of the story.


	13. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

"She started looking for me about a year and a half after you left. She obviously knew where I lived, but she wanted to scout out the area first, see if you were still around. The killings at first were pretty random: the waitress at the diner one night after her late shift, a teacher that lived on the outskirts of town, a little boy that had wandered away from the playground. Everybody just thought it was another animal attack," Bella said, her hands shaking as she told the story.

"I was home for the summer at this time, and my dad got overprotective, just like usual. I had been hanging out with my friend Jacob a lot, but I wasn't allowed down at the reservation anymore. I was basically stuck inside until my dad could figure out what was happening. Eventually I just started sneaking out, even though I knew what was really going on. What my dad didn't know, however, was that I was safe. Especially on the reservation."

Alice looked quizzically at Bella, but before she could question her, Bella began again. "I'm sure you've heard the Quilluete story. But I don't know if you were there last time the rest of your family was in Forks. If so, you know why you can never go on their land."

"Of course," Alice said, interrupting. "They are supposedly werewolves, though I've never seen them." At that, Alice's eyes got wide. "Bella! Tell me you were not hanging around werewolves."

"What else was I supposed to do? I had no friends left from school. Nobody wanted to be my friend. I had Jacob and his friends. They were the only ones who I could really talk to. I wasn't supposed to know about them either, but the fact that I already knew about your world made it easier to learn about theirs."

"Why is that?" Alice asked.

"Because you are what they are designed for. They are made to kill vampires," Bella said matter-of-factly.

"So that's why you were protected from Victoria," Alice said.

"There were seventeen wolves protecting Forks from Victoria. But Jacob basically spent all of his time with me. He was my own personal bodyguard," Bella said, smiling slightly. "They could only protect so many people from Victoria, however. And eventually, as she realized that her strategy wasn't really working, she got smart. She started recruiting newborns, creating them for her own personal army."

"She knew who was important to me, even if I hadn't talked to them in months. First it was Angela and her little brothers, then Jessica and Mike and Tyler. Even Lauren. By this time, everyone knew there was a serial killer loose."

"The national news began reporting, but it still didn't bring a whole lot of attention to the area. I think reporters were just too scared to come. My dad tried to ship me off to Florida, obviously, but I refused. I knew that if I left, she would leave too. And Jacksonville didn't have an army of werewolves to protect it."

"Everyone in Forks lived in terror for about four months. In all, thirty-four people were killed, and I knew almost all of them. And then she disappeared. They all disappeared. Things got back to normal, eventually, and we all just got on with our lives."

"It was a Thursday night when my dad called me. I had just started back at school, but Jacob had driven up for the day since I didn't have classes on Thursdays," Bella said, her eyes beginning to glaze over. "My mom had just called me the week before. She told me she was thirteen weeks pregnant. It was probably the first time since you left that I was honestly happy." Alice saw a tear fall down Bella's cheek. "I was buying a plane ticket the day he called so that I could go to Florida for my spring break. That's when she was due."

"Charlie and I flew down to Florida for the funeral. All I wanted to do while I was there was scream at everyone. She didn't die in a car accident, and I knew it. But there was nothing I could do."


	14. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

Bella got up from the bed and walked to the window. It was dark outside. Alice waited for her to continue, but was met with silence. It was almost a full five minutes before she started speaking again.

"I slept in my old bedroom again the night we got back to Washington," she said, closing her eyes. "My dad has always been diligent with our smoke detectors." Bella laughed silently at the memory. "He would change the batteries every month, and we had four of them in our house. It wasn't until the fire was at my door that I even noticed. I yelled for my dad, but I couldn't hear anything. The door knob was way too hot to open. Even if I could open it, the entire hallway was on fire. There was no way either one of us was getting out that way."

Alice closed her eyes too and lowered her head, ashamed of everything that had happened. She blamed herself, but she let Bella continue. There would be time for apologies later.

"I went to the window, not sure how I would be able to get out. There had been no vampires in Forks for almost a year, so the wolves only patrolled the forests. Jacob no longer slept outside of my house every night."

"The entire first floor of our house was on fire, but I remember how dark it was outside. I could barely see anything. But I saw her. She was right below my window, waiting for me to jump. She knew I had no other option. So I did. I closed my eyes and jumped. My fall was broken, but it wasn't by her ice cold arms. Once again, Jacob had come to my rescue. And once again, she had run away."

"It was eerily quiet, I guess I thought a house fire to be much louder. I watched as my house burned to the ground, my father trapped inside. I swear I saw his face looking out the window before the glass shattered. I didn't even bother calling 911. There was nothing they could do."

Bella moved back toward the bed and lied on her side, facing away from Alice. "Jacob was all I had left. I vaguely remember sleeping in his bed while he slept on the floor next to me, never leaving my side. School had started, but stayed behind. There was no point in going."

"Jacob eventually convinced me to return to school, though he basically had to drag me here by my hair. I begged him to stay, but he couldn't. I don't even remember why. Embry stayed instead, he slept on the couch."

"When I found out that she had taken the last person I loved, there was nothing. There was nothing left for me. There was nothing left in me. It seemed fitting that I found out on my birthday too. I knew that you weren't looking for me. If you were, you would have done something a long time before then."

"I never told Liz about Jacob. She thinks we just broke up or something. I didn't want her to know. I didn't want to get any more sympathetic looks or useless conversations from her. I just wanted it all to end. I could have taken pills or something, but it was about the blood. I wanted it to all disappear. Because if it weren't for my blood, none of this would have happened."


	15. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

Edward sat outside of Bella's first story window, listening in agony as she recounted the past few years to his sister. She had lost, literally, everything: her parents, her unborn sister or brother, her friends. There was nobody left for her. Except for him.

"…it was about the blood. I wanted it to all disappear. Because if it weren't for my blood, none of this would have happened." This was the hardest for Edward to hear, because she was right. But that didn't make it her fault. Right now all he wanted to do was wrap her in his arms and never let her go. He couldn't leave her now, not after everything he had done. That is, if she wanted him to stay. But he was determined. He didn't deserve her, but she deserved love. And that was all he had to give her.

_She's sleeping, _Alice mentally told him. _If you promise to be good, you can come in_. He jumped up from his sitting position quickly, but hesitated before climbing in through the open window. Was he ready for this? Was he ready to see, up close, when he had done? He realized that it didn't matter whether or not he was ready. His punishment was to hear and see everything that his action's had caused.

He climbed in slowly through the window, watching her the entire time. She lay peacefully on her bed, her body facing the window he had just used as his entrance. At once, he was by her side, kneeling on the floor. He wanted so badly to reach out and just touch her hair, her face, but he didn't dare.

_You have about three hours before she wakes up, Edward. But she isn't going to be this peaceful for long. Are you going to be okay?_ Alice asked him as she moved to the chair next to Bella's desk.

Edward nodded slightly, his eyes still on the sleeping form. Her breathing was shallow but even, and her heartbeat erratic. He figured it had something to do with telling her story, probably for the first time. There was no therapist, no friend that would truly understand everything she had gone through. There was no way they could even know.

He wished he could know what was going to happen to them, to their whole family, but the future kept changing. He watched Alice's thoughts as she tried to find an answer. Was Bella going to be okay? Were they all going to be okay?

_She thinks we still don't want her_, Alice thought sadly, landing on the one vision that hadn't changed. Edward watched in silent anguish, knowing that the screaming, the yelling would happen eventually. He wished he could cry with her, but his body refused. Without tears, he would only be able to watch as she cried for the both of them.

Edward moved quickly to the other side of the bed as Bella turned on her other side. As she moved, he caught his first glimpse of the scars that lined her arms. They weren't confined to her wrists either. Light scratches made their way up her forearms, streaking her cream colored skin with visual reminders of the pain he was responsible for.

_I still blame you_. Alice thought. _But I blame myself too. It's all our fault, so stop beating yourself up. We will fix it, I promise. _Edward just looked at her helplessly. Here he was, wanting to comfort this broken girl, when what he really needed was to be comforted. He lay his head down on the bed, but didn't close his eyes. He couldn't give up any time he had. He didn't know how much time he would have left, at least peaceful time like this.

Alice was right. After about an hour of sleeping soundlessly, Bella's breathing became more erratic than before, and her heart rate increased. "Don't leave me," she murmured at first, clutching the sheets. "Stay here tonight."

Edward watched her in awe, hoping, praying that she was talking to him. Even if it were just in her dreams, the thought that she wanted him to stay with her gave him hope. He wanted to reach out, to let her know that he wasn't going anywhere. He wasn't going anywhere ever again.

She tossed and turned, repeating those words over and over again, until she said the words that made Edward's dead heart shatter.

"Jacob, don't leave me. I love you."


	16. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

"Why can't you stay?" Bella asked, tears staining her face. She clutched onto her best friend's hand for dear life. "I need you to stay here. Please. I'm begging you."

"I promise I will be back tomorrow, Bella. I just have a few things to take care of tonight," Jacob said, pulling her into a tight hug. "Everything will be fine, I promise. Embry is going to stay here tonight, just to make sure that you are safe."

"I don't want Embry," Bella grumbled into Jacob's chest. "I want you."

"Oh really now?" Jacob said, pulling her away from him and wiggling his eyebrows. Though they tried, their usual easy banter had been strained in the past few weeks, for obvious reasons. "Everything is going to be fine. I will be back early in the morning. You won't even notice I'm gone."

"Jacob, don't leave me. I love you," Bella said, wrapping her arms even tighter around his waist.

"I love you too, Bells. I will see you in the morning." With that, he gave her quick kiss on the forehead and extracted himself from her death grip. She watched, tears falling down her face, as he left out the front door.

"Everything is going to be fine, Bella," Embry said as he flipped stations on the TV. "You're safe here, I promise."

"I'm not worried about myself. Part of me wishes she would just find me and get it over with. At least then everyone else would be safe."

"Don't say that," Embry said angrily, getting up from the couch. "Don't you dare think that you don't deserve being protected or that anyone blames you for anything. All that matters is that you're safe."

"Thanks Embry, for trying. You know that I will always blame myself though."

"And we all hope that someday you will realize you're wrong."

Bella looked at him skeptically. "I guess we will find out. I think I'm going to go to bed now. Thanks for staying tonight, and make yourself at home."

"You're welcome. I will probably go out a little bit later and just check out the forest at the edge of the parking lot. So, if you wake up and I'm not here, don't worry."

Bella gave Embry a wary look, but agreed anyway. "Okay, that's fine. I will see you in the morning," she said as she walked into her bedroom.

"Goodnight Bella."

"Goodnight Embry."

Bella had only been asleep for three hours or so when she heard the howling. She was used to the wolves howling, but it was like nothing she had ever heard before. It was an agonizing cry, one that woke her up from the dead of sleep. As soon as she heard it, the blood drained from her face.

"Embry," she screamed out her open window. Her heart racing, she debated what she needed to do. Before she could make a decision, however, she saw his figure come out from behind the trees. He collapsed at the edge of the parking lot, and she jumped out of her first-story window so fast that she tripped on the solid ground that caught her feet.

"Embry," she cried as she ran as fast as she could toward the unmoving animal. When she finally reached him, she was surprised to find him still breathing. He was panting, but he was alive. "Embry, you need to change. You need to tell me what happened," she sobbed in desperation.

He looked at her in agony, and she noticed that even in wolf form, he still had tears coming out of his eyes. She didn't even know it was possible. She watched as he made the transformation in front of her eyes.

"He's gone, Bella. Jacob's gone."


	17. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

"Bella, Bella! Wake up," Alice said urgently, attempting to wake her from her nightmare. Bella opened her eyes and looked around her room in confusion.

"Where am I? Was I dreaming?" Bella asked, her voice dry with sleep.

"Yes, you were sleeping," Alice said gently.

Bella sat up, her hair matted with sweat and stuck to her cheek. "I want to see him Alice. I'm ready to see him."

Alice looked at Bella, concerned. "Are you sure about that? There's no rush."

"Does he not want to see me?" Bella asked, her voice laden with obvious anxiety at the thought.

"No, No!" Alice said quickly. "He most definitely does want to see you. I just want to make sure you're ready."

Bella thought about this for a moment. Was she ready? Was she ready to relive the torment of having to say goodbye again, like she had expected? She had no idea what the meeting would bring, and she didn't even know if there was really a point to even seeing him again. Even if he did still love her, as Alice had suggested, there was no way he was going to love her the way she was now. But she needed to know.

"I am."

"Okay then," Alice said, squeezing Bella's hand in support. Less than ten seconds later there was a knock on the front door. "I'll get it. Do you want me to be here with you?"

Bella's eyes automatically flew to the direction of the front door, her anxiety apparent in the way she chewed her bottom lip. "You can stay in the living room. I'll talk to him in here."

Alice hesitated before getting up from the bed and walking to the door. "Okay, well you know you won't have to yell far if you want me in here."

"I know," Bella whispered. As Alice left the room, Bella got up from the bed and turned toward the window, looking outside. Every time she looked out that window she remembered; remembered the way Embry staggered onto the parking lot only a few yards from her room. Remembered the exact location where she had found out her best friend had been killed.

She often had dreams like the one she had had only a few moments before. They were usually flashbacks to the times she wished least to remember: her mother's funeral, her father's house burning down, Jacob's death. There was one memory, however, that she had never dreamed about and she thanked God, though she seriously doubted his existence at this point, that she had never had to live through that particular memory again. She knew that if he left her again, even if only in her dreams, it would be the end of her.

Bella listened as the front door opened and closed. No words were spoken between the siblings. Not long after, she heard her bedroom door close. Her heart felt like it was going to pound right outside of her chest and she was suddenly aware of everything around her, even though she still stared out the window. It was like she could feel his presence, although she knew he was probably on the other side of the room. Her throat felt dry, and she wished she had gotten a glass of water before Alice had opened the door.

Slowly, very slowly, she turned around, though she kept her eyes on the ground. She knew her eyes were brimming with tears, and she willed them not to fall. Crying in front of him was the last thing she wanted to do at that moment. After a moment, she was able to regain her composure.

There, standing mere feet away from her, he stood. She studied every aspect of his face without saying a word. His marble skin glowed in the faint light that came in through the window, and she remembered the slight crook of his nose that somehow made him even more perfect than he already was. She saved his eyes for last though, because when she looked into them, she couldn't hold it in anymore. They were the same golden butterscotch that she had fallen in love with. At that moment, she fell in love with him all over again.

The moment the first tear slid down her cheek, he was there. His cold, hard arms wrapped themselves around her perfectly, as if they were almost made to hold her delicate body. She didn't resist the touch, though she knew if she were smart, she would have. The tears flowed freely now, though she didn't know if they were tears of happiness or anger or sorrow or confusion. They were all the same now.

She let herself succumb to the cold, still-familiar embrace of the one man she had ever truly loved. "Bella, oh my dear sweet Bella. How I've missed you."


	18. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

He was actually there. And he was actually holding her. Bella felt like she was in a dream, but this dream had nothing bad in it. It had love and beauty and goodness in it. She reveled in the feeling for a few short moments before realizing exactly what she was doing to herself.

"No," she whispered at first, willing herself to pull away.

"It's okay Bella," Edward said, holding her tightly. "This is right."

"No, it's not right. It's not right for so many reasons. You can't do this to me again." Though he could have easily held her there, she pulled herself away, gasping for air. She wondered what had possessed her to see him.

"I have so much to explain to you, I know that. And I know that it will take forever to apologize, to get you to understand. But please, let me try," he begged, not letting go of her hand.

"I wanted to see you. I needed to see if you were actually real," Bella whispered, turning her head away from him.

"You saw me before," Edward asked, confused. "You saw me in the courtyard and you saw me in the cafeteria. I'm here. I'm real. And I want you. I don't want to be anywhere but with you. I can't be anywhere but with you."

"I did see you before, but did you see me? The real me? No, you didn't. The real me doesn't exist anymore. How can I see you if I don't even exist?" He looked at her, even more confused than he was before.

"I don't understand."

"No, you don't understand. You don't know who I am, what I've become," she cried, her voice getting louder.

"I do know, Bella. I heard everything. I saw what he did to you. And I don't blame you for who you are now. Just, let me make you whole again. Let me fix you."

Bella just stared at him, all emotion drained from her face. "You're right, everything that has happened to me has made me the way I am. But how can I forget the reason why everything I've had, everything I've ever loved is gone. You left, and you _literally_ took everything I had with you."

"And I swear that I will never forgive myself for that," he said, looking her straight in the eye.

"There is no fault here," Bella said, sighing heavily. "We can all blame ourselves. If I weren't human you wouldn't have left. But if I weren't human you wouldn't have loved me. If I had been more realistic, I would have realized that you never loved me. See? If I wanted to, I could blame myself. I could blame Carlisle for turning you or bringing you to Forks. I could blame Alice for not looking for me. We can place the blame on whoever we want, but it changes nothing."

"You're right, it changes nothing. But that doesn't mean I can't try and convince you that I love you. I always have and I always will love you," Edward said with a pleading look in his eye.

"You loved the person I was, maybe," Bella said skeptically. "I'm broken, a fragment of the person I once was. I have no love left inside of me. I have nothing left inside me. I'm a shell, living in this world for no reason at all."

Edward stared in agony at her as she made these assertions. "You have a purpose. You are my purpose for living, please, _please_, I will do anything if you would just believe me."

"I wasn't your purpose for living when you left," she spat at him, her temper rising. Before she could say or do anything rash, however, she sighed again. "There's no point, Edward. I've already broken myself down more by agreeing to see Alice. And now you. I just don't know what to do right now. I want to be strong, but I have no strength. I have no energy to keep living. I thought I did, and then I saw you again and seeing you made me realize what an empty existence I have. I don't want your help. But I need it."

"Everything I have, everything I am, is yours," Edward said, pulling her hand to his chest. "I am begging you to believe me."

"Why should I believe you?" she asked. "You said you didn't want me, and now you say you do. How do I know you aren't going to change your mind and leave again. It doesn't matter if it's tomorrow or next month or next year. Infatuations don't last Edward. I thought you would have learned your lesson last time."

He involuntarily growled at her last statement. "I am not infatuated with you Isabella. I don't know what it will take to prove this to you, but you will know. You should know. Because it might be all you have left."

Bella looked at him, hoping that she conveyed her anger at being told what she needed. All that came out, however, was a strangled cry as she saw the determination in his eyes. It wasn't going to be easy, but maybe she could learn to trust again. As long as he didn't break her heart.

This time she pulled herself to him, wrapping her arms around his waist, determined to never let him go. "I don't know yet if you're lying or not. Maybe you're not lying, maybe you just don't know. But please, if you even have a feeling that this might be it, please let me know now. Because though I've been through hell and back, my heart is held together by nothing right now. If it breaks again, I will be nothing. I promise you that."

Edward held his Bella to his chest, sobbing dry tears into her hair. "This is not it, Isabella. You are everything, that's my promise to you."

They stood there while he rocked her in his arms, dancing to the near-silence. The only sound coming from muted sobs as they poured every ounce of sorrow they had into one another.


	19. Chapter 18

**Chapter 17**

Bella stared out her bedroom window again. She rarely let herself think about her past, but when she did, she didn't have to look far to be reminded. She still loved him, she knew that. And she knew that she should have been angry at him for everything that had happened. But she didn't have any anger left inside of her. Every ounce of anger she had left had flowed out of her veins with the blood she had shed one year ago.

She looked out the window, her gaze automatically turning to the place that had caused her some of the worst pain in her life. She thought of Jacob. She thought of his determination to win her heart. She thought of his love that he had for her. How could she run back into the arms of the one man she had loved when so many who had loved her were gone? She didn't deserve love. She deserved pain and sorrow and a life devoid of happiness.

With every person she had lost, a piece of her heart died. She didn't doubt that her heart was even more lifeless than the immortal man sitting next to her. Often she wondered what the point was. Why did she continue to live when there was no point in living.

Though she hated the answer, she had always known what it was. She yearned for him with every fiber of her being. Others saw her as a zombie, a human being, but nothing more. Inside, however, she knew she had once felt something that very few human beings had ever experienced. The unconditional love of a soulmate, a person made specifically for you. Even if their love hadn't lasted for long, she knew she was lucky enough that it happened at all. It was that which drove her to continue with life.

Even after her unsuccessful suicide attempt, she wondered if she really meant to kill herself at all. She hated her blood, wanted it out of her, but she still didn't know if she had wanted to die. She lived a confused existence, never knowing what her life meant or what she wanted. Well, she knew exactly what she wanted, but she never thought he would actually return.

The had stood in silence for almost an hour, waiting for Bella's tears to run dry. There were a lot of them, seeing as she hadn't cried before that day in almost three years. Eventually, as silent sobs made their way into dry hiccups, they released each other, though they never ended contact. With her hand still firmly encased in his, she made her way to the bed, where she sat on the edge. There they sat in silence for even longer. Edward longed to asked what she was thinking, but her face was so blank he wondered if she were even thinking at all.

Eventually, just as his curiosity was beginning to get the best of him, she spoke. "It's my birthday."

He stared at her for a moment before responding. "I know. I wanted to wish you a happy birthday, but I didn't know how you would react."

"Nobody here knows that it's my birthday."

"Why not?" he asked as she brushed a piece of hair away from her eyes.

She turned her head slightly away from him. "They don't care. Nobody cares. I celebrate on my own." Her eyes moved automatically to the scars on her left wrist.

He turned over the hand that he was holding, exposing the scars on her other wrist as well. "Why did you do it?" He asked as he touched her traumatized skin. He wasn't really sure if he actually wanted to know.

She crooked her head slightly. She had been trying to figure that out for the past year. "I don't know. I guess I just wanted to feel something. I hate my blood. I wanted to get rid of it. But I'm not sure if I actually wanted to die."

He heard the indifference in her voice as she said this, and it made his dead heart ache. Before he could respond, she continued with her story. "Liz was the one that found me. I had done it in the bathroom, using one of Jacob's knives that I had taken from his bedroom when he died. I think I was more upset that they took away the one thing I had left of his than actually being there."

"Therapy there was useless. They tried to get me to talk, and for a while I just stayed silent. Eventually I just started talking about nothing really, telling lies. That actually made things a little bit better. If I told them lies, it almost made them real. While most people would have been horrified at the things I said, I wished it were true. Anything was better than what I had actually lived through."

He let her continue talking. "They kept me for a month. I put on a happy face and they let me go. But they still didn't give me my knife back." She frowned. "To this day, I have nothing left of his."

Edward swallowed audibly. "Was he your…Was he your boyfriend?" he asked painfully.

Bella gave him a strange look. "No, he wasn't. He wanted to be, but I always said no. I didn't have room in my heart for a boyfriend. Someone else still held the whole thing."

He tried not to smile, but he couldn't help his lips from turning upward just a little.

"But he was my best friend. The best friend I ever had, and I loved him so very much. He saved me, really. He saved me from myself. And I would trade anything, well, almost anything, if I could just see his face one more time."


	20. Chapter 19

Okay, so I have to admit, I am definitely team Edward. But I absolutely love this chapter. It might be my favorite one yet. Make sure you let me know if it's your favorite too!

**Chapter 19**

"Don't you own a shirt?" Bella asked, irritated, as her best friend made his way up to her front porch. She didn't budge, just stood there with her arms crossed. "The neighbors are staring."

Jacob glanced around at the almost empty street and noticed the old woman from two doors down walking her dog across the street. "What, are you jealous that Mrs. Berry finds me attractive?"

"Ugh, you're utterly disgusting Jacob Black."

"I'm glad you have such a high view of me," he retorted dryly. "Well, number one, there are plenty of reasons why I am shirtless today, as I am on most days. My dad has officially refused to buy me any more clothes until I'm more careful when I change. That sounds like a simple request, but when Paul insists on attacking me by surprise every other minute, it can get kind of difficult."

"And number two, why should I, with a body as attractive as the one I have been blessed with, hide my assets. You know what they say, if you got it, flaunt it."

Bella just stared at him, her face void of any amused reaction he was trying to elicit from her. "Wow, arrogant much?"

Jacob flashed her his adorable smile. "You know I'm right."

She sighed and conceded. "Okay, I won't deny that you do look damn hot without your shirt on. But that still doesn't mean my 85 year-old neighbor wants to see you naked."

"Oh, I wouldn't doubt that," Jacob said, pulling Bella into a hug. She initially refused to react, but eventually her resilience wavered.

"I missed you," she whispered into his chest.

"I was only gone for two days," he said as he laid his cheek against her hair.

"You're my only friend, Jake. When you're gone, I have nothing to do. I've been watching I Love Lucy episodes for the past 48 hours. I only took breaks to eat and sleep."

"Well, I'm back now. What do you want to do today?"

She thought about it for a second. "I don't know. Let's just go down to the res. We can hike or something."

He raised his eyebrow at her. "Hike? Since when do you, Isabella Swan, hike? I think the last time we tried, you tripped over a rock the size of my thumbnail and proceeded to break your ankle."

"I didn't break it," she grumbled. "It was only a slight sprain."

"Regardless, I still had to carry you the three miles back home."

"Oh please," she snorted, as they made their way to Jacob's waiting motorcycle. "It's not like you had any difficulty doing it."

"You're right," he said, smiling. They strapped on their helmets and he kicked his way away from the curb. "I actually quite enjoyed it."

Bella smiled silently at this last statement as she laid her cheek against his back, feeling the wind against her face. She loved riding, but not even Jake allowed to ride her own bike anymore. Not since she had accidentally broken her wrist and two ribs while taking a turn too fast. According to her dad, she wasn't supposed to ride at all, but since he was gone on a fishing trip for the weekend, she didn't care.

It didn't take long to get to their destination. Jacob parked the bike outside of his father's red house and helped Bella out of her helmet. "Do you want to go see anyone today? I think Sam and Em might be at home."

She thought about it for a moment. "No, I don't think I do."

"Okay," he said. "Then let's just go for a walk. You look like you have a lot on your mind."

"I guess," she said as they made their way down the gravel pathway that led into the woods behind his house. He grabbed her hand, a gesture that had long become one of friendship rather than romantic affection, at least to her. "It's just been about a year since Victoria and the others left. We still don't know where she is, and that's a little nerve-wracking."

"I know. I wish we could do more, but we can't exactly track her all over the world, you know."

"Yeah, I'm not dumb. I just get scared."

"You know we won't let anything happen to you," Jacob said gently.

"I'm not worried about myself. She just took the lives of so many people. It's hard to think that I might be responsible."

"You're not responsible Bella. You know that. She doesn't even belong on this planet. It's nobody's fault but her own."

Bella stayed silent for a while, contemplating this. She had a strange feeling that there was more. Like, this wasn't the end of it, and she was terrified that what was coming was going to be much, much worse than what had already happened. She had tried to tell this to Jacob and the pack, but they just kept reassuring her that nothing was going to happen. She had been gone for almost a year, and they doubted she would even come back. They figured she was over it.

"You know I love you Isabella Swan," Jacob said casually as they made their way down the well-worn path toward the beach.

"I know," Bella said, smiling. She smiled a lot when she was with Jake, but it was a different smile than the one she had before he left. She had perfected this new smile, however. While it looked happy on the outside, there wasn't much to it on the inside. "I love you too, Jake."

"I'm going to miss you while you're gone at school," he said softly. They had made their way to the beach by this time. They stopped at the edge of the sand and looked out over the water, still holding hands.

"I know. I don't want to go back," she said, trying not to cry. She rarely cried, but just thinking about having to leave the one person who actually understood her was difficult. "You're going to come on Thursday though, right?"

"Yeah, I thought maybe we could go to a movie or something. I'll even take you to a fancy dinner."

"I'd like that," she said as she leaned her head against his shoulder. "Oh, and I forgot to tell you!" she exclaimed. He looked down at the girl next to him and was surprised to see her face actually light up at the statement. He thought she had never looked so beautiful. "My mom is pregnant! She's due in the spring, so I'm going to go down for Spring Break and see her."

"Oh, that's great Bells!" Jake said as he pulled her into a giant bear hug. "You'll have to tell her congrats for me."

"I will," she said, still smiling. They stood there for a few moments, both lost in being so close to one another.

"That kid is lucky to have you as a big sister, you know," he said. She wasn't so sure.

"When I said I love you before," Bella said, her eyes closed and her head still against his chest. "I really meant it."

"I know you meant it," he said, confused.

"No," she said, pulling herself away from the hug. "I'm ready. I love you Jacob Black."

He stared at her for a moment, wondering if she was actually saying what he thought she was saying. "What? I thought you said you weren't ready to love anyone else."

"It doesn't really matter if I'm ready or not, because I'm in love with you. It just took me a while to figure it out."

"I'm in love with you too, Bella."

"I know," she said as she pulled her face closer to his. They kissed, their first real kiss, for only a few seconds before turning back toward the ocean. They watched the waves crash for what felt like an eternity, standing close to each other.

She left the next day for school.


	21. Chapter 20

So right now, my favorite song is Just the Way You Are by Bruno Mars (3333 Bruno Mars). I thought the song might be fitting for this story too. Maybe? Or maybe it's just wishful thinking:

Oh her eyes, her eyes

Make the stars look like they're not shining

Her hair, her hair

Falls perfectly without her trying

She's so beautiful

And I tell her every day

Yeah I know, I know

When I compliment her

She won't believe me

And it's so, it's so

Sad to think she don't see what I see

But every time she asks me do I look okay

I say

When I see your face

There's not a thing that I would change

Cause you're amazing

Just the way you are

And when you smile,

The whole world stops and stares for awhile

Cause girl you're amazing

Just the way you are

Her lips, her lips

I could kiss them all day if she'd let me

Her laugh, her laugh

She hates but I think its so sexy

She's so beautiful

And I tell her every day

Oh you know, you know, you know

I'd never ask you to change

If perfect is what you're searching for

Then just stay the same

So don't even bother asking

If you look okay

You know I say

When I see your face

There's not a thing that I would change

Cause you're amazing

Just the way you are

And when you smile,

The whole world stops and stares for awhile

Cause girl you're amazing

Just the way you are

The way you are

The way you are

Girl you're amazing

Just the way you are

When I see your face

There's not a thing that I would change

Cause you're amazing

Just the way you are

And when you smile,

The whole world stops and stares for awhile

Cause girl you're amazing

Just the way you are

I guess, even though Bella is so different now than when Edward knew her, he still thinks she's perfect. She needs fixing, but she's still the same beautiful girl, to him at least. And when she is better, the whole world will stop to stare, I promise

And I know that in chapter 18, Bella told Edward that Jacob wasn't her boyfriend, but in chapter 19 she told Jacob she loved him. I don't mean to be confusing, but I promise things will be cleared up. It's not going to be too consuming or complicated.

**Chapter 20**

"I think I would like to see your family," Bella said softly. "That is, if they want to see me."

"Of course they want to see you," Edward replied. "But it's three in the morning. Are you sure you don't want to wait until the morning?"

She crooked her head in thought. "No, I don't think I do. I mean, it's not like they are sleeping or anything."

Edward laughed, "Very true." Bella flashed him a small smile before getting up from the bed and grabbing a sweater from her closet.

"What a great idea!" Alice said as she burst through the door. "They all missed you so much, even Rosalie! I promise!"

"Alice, was that really necessary?" Edward asked, sighing.

"What?" Alice said sheepishly as they all heard Liz's bedroom door open.

"Is everything okay?" They heard her call out from the living room.

"Yeah, sorry Liz," Bella said as she walked out of her bedroom. "Alice doesn't always realize that people are sleeping." The three of them stifled a laugh at their inside joke while Liz just stood there, a confused look on her face. "We are just going to go see the rest of their family. I will see you in the morning."

Liz looked at Bella strangely. "Aren't they sleeping? And don't you have class in the morning?"

"It's none of your business," Bella said angrily, shocking Liz. Bella never got angry. Instead of getting angry back, however, Liz just shrugged her shoulders.

"You're right. Have fun," she said as she turned back into her bedroom. As she closed the door, she couldn't help the small smile that came across her lips. Even if the first step was anger, it was still a step.

"Do you have a car here?" Edward asked Bella as they made their way out to the parking lot.

"Um, yeah, it's right over there," she said, pointing to a plain, blue sedan.

"No more truck?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"No," Bella grumbled. "That died too."

Edward and Alice looked somber at this news, wondering if she really had anything left. "Okay, well let's go then," Alice finally said as she climbed into the back seat.

"Would you like me to drive, since I know where I'm going?" Edward asked Bella gently. She glanced warily in his direction.

"Sure," she said at last.

The trip to the Cullens took about a half hour, since they lived in a rural area on the outskirts of town. Edward could have gone faster, but he didn't want to irritate Bella. It was her car, of course.

As soon as they pulled up the gravel driveway to the house, Alice was out of the car and in the house to announce their arrival. Bella reached for her door handle, but hesitated, wondering if she was actually ready to see everyone. Before she could change her mind, however, Edward had opened her door for her.

"Thank you," she mumbled as she climbed clumsily out of the car, ignoring Edward's offered hand for assistance.

They made their way slowly up the long driveway to the house, Bella shuffling her feet in an attempt to delay the inevitable. She kept her feet on the dark ground in front of her, willing herself not to trip on any unseen obstacle that got in her way. When she did (as was predicted by both her and Edward) trip on a branch that had fallen onto the pathway, she felt Edward's cold hand grasp her elbow. She just looked up at him, her eyes grateful for being saved once again.

They continued walking, their path becoming increasingly better lit as they got closer to the house. When Bella finally moved her gaze from her feet to the front porch of the house, she was amazed at what she saw. Every member of the family stood there, waiting for her to join them. Even Rosalie stood in the background, her eyes cautiously examining Bella as she walked in their direction.

As she got even closer to the group, she was even more surprised to find every single member of the family smiling. For a girl who honestly thought that no member of this family cared about her, let alone loved her, the idea that they might be happy to see her was bewildering. Any anxiety that Bella had over choosing to see them was replaced by a sense of overwhelming relief.

At the front of the small gathering stood the woman that Bella had wanted most to see. Esme stood with her arms extended, her eyes brimming with tears that would never fall. Her smile was the biggest of them all. Once Bella realized that her open arms were an invitation, she picked up her pace, leaving Edward behind. She thought she wasn't going to get to the woman fast enough.

After what seemed like forever, although it only took Bella a few seconds to close the small gap between them, she was in Esme's arms. It was the motherly embrace that Bella had been yearning for, one that was full of three years' worth of love. Bella clung to the small woman, wanting never to let go.

Esme welcomed the embrace, knowing that her family was once again complete. And she smiled, silently promising her daughter that she would never again be without a mother.


	22. Chapter 21

So, by the way, I saw Eclipse yesterday. Again. It was at the cheap theater, so I didn't really feel that bad about spending $3 more on it. It's a good movie. That's all.

**Chapter 21**

Bella knew she should have been angry at all of them, even Esme, for leaving. She didn't know, or didn't really want to believe, how much she actually meant to them. She willed herself to let go, aware of everyone's eyes on her. The absolute love that Esme poured into the embrace, the love that had been absent in Bella's life for so very long, was almost too much for her to handle, and a new round of tears came.

The rest of the family watched silently at the scene. They were still hadn't been completely informed of Bella's current situation, but they knew that something was wrong. It wasn't just the bruises that indicated the abuse Bella had suffered, either. It was the force in which Bella hugged their mother that they knew something was terribly, terribly wrong. Finally, Bella released the woman that she once considered a surrogate mother.

"We are so happy to have you back, my dear Bella," Esme said. She hoped her eyes could convey how very true that statement was.

Bella said nothing, just looked nervously in Edward's direction.

"Why don't we go inside," he said, as he led the way into the house.

It was a beautiful house, Bella noticed, not much different than their home back in Forks. It was spacious and open, the muted décor exactly what she had been used to. She immediately felt at home in the new place, though she knew that becoming so comfortable was not a good thing.

They settled themselves in the living room. Once again, Bella felt at ease, comfortable with the way the family arranged themselves. She and Edward and Alice sat on the plush couch that sat against the window, Jasper at Alice's side. Facing them sat Esme in an authoritative looking leather chair, with Carlisle standing behind her. Rosalie and Emmett sat on the loveseat to Bella's left, their eyes never leaving her face.

An awkward silence ensued. Bella looked around nervously, but nobody else seemed to hear how very loud that silence was. Finally, Esme spoke.

"We do hope you realize how much we have missed you. How much we have all missed you," she said. Even Bella saw her look quickly in Rosalie's direction.

"I've missed you too," Bella said quietly. She wasn't entirely sure what else she could say. She looked down at her hands, unwilling to start the conversation that she knew was going to come eventually.

"Please don't do this to yourself," an unexpected voice said. Bella turned her head, startled, in Rosalie's direction.

"What?" she asked, her voice laden with surprise and anxiety.

"Don't hurt yourself. Don't let anyone hurt you. It isn't worth it," Rosalie said, more loudly this time.

Bella looked around the room, angry now. Nobody would make eye contact with her. "You have no right to tell me what to do," she said, standing up. "You have no idea what I've been through and what my life is like. You haven't been there to find out. None of you have."

At this point, everyone, save for Alice and Edward, looked at Bella in shock. She had never been so assertive with them before. But then again, she had never had reason to be assertive with them.

Carlisle looked at her sadly. "Then please, tell us. We want to know what we have put you through. Only then can we try to make it right." With that, he shifted his gaze to his first son. His eyes were hard, and full of pain, at the thought of what may have happened. And however much he hated blaming Edward, Carlisle knew that if it weren't for him, none of this would have happened.

Bella walked over the window, looking out into the dark yard and saying nothing. The silence was agony, all wondering what could have changed the beautiful girl that they had all loved, into this. Finally, after nearly ten minutes, she turned around.

They listened in horror as she recounted, for the second time that night, she recounted everything that had happened in the past three years. Edward worried the entire time, wondering how difficult it was for her to tell her story yet again. What he didn't realize, however, was that telling them was the best kind of therapy she could get. Because although everything she said was laden with sorrow and tragedy, she was telling the only people alive that could make it better. And with each word that came out of her mouth, her heart felt lighter. It wasn't healed. The wounds were too deep to be healed so quickly. But it was definitely a start.


	23. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

All the vampires in the room stared at Bella, nobody moving or speaking. The only sound came from Bella's heartbeat, which she thought she could even hear it was beating so loud.

Finally, Carlisle broke the silence. "Bella, do you know whatever happened to Victoria?" he asked, sitting in the seat that Esme had previously occupied. She had left the room barely two minutes into the conversation without a word. Everyone knew, even Bella, that she was sobbing silently to herself in the kitchen at the moment.

"The wolves got her. But not before she killed Jacob and three others." Leah, Paul, and Colin had also fallen victim. "At first I didn't understand how she could have gotten to them. They were so strong and sure, and by this time, they knew her strategy."

"When she first encountered the wolves, she was caught by surprise. She obviously had no idea that they even existed, let alone how to fight them. That's when she started creating her army. Eventually she realized that just having dozens of newborns at your disposal did nothing if she didn't how to actually kill the wolves."

Edward looked at Bella questioningly. He had known that wolves existed, of course, but he didn't know very much about them. Before he could ask how they could be killed, however, Bella continued her story.

"She was gone for a year before she came back again to kill my parents. The wolves weren't expecting her, so they didn't really see her coming. She snuck right into their iron clad defense. It was obvious she had spent the year strategizing. She had a plan now, she wasn't just planning as she went. Sam told me later that she knew more about them than she had the previous year, as well. She knew their weak spots, the holes in their defense. The moment she got her cold hands on Leah, she sunk her teeth into her. She knew that her venom was a death sentence."

Everyone sat still as stone as they listened to this last piece of information. The story about the wolves had shocked them all, but every single person there was relieved that they hadn't left Bella without any type of protection at all.

"What happened to the rest of the wolves?" Alice asked quietly.

"They are still on the reservation, though they rarely phase anymore. It's too difficult for them to remember what happened. I talk to Sam, every once in a while, to catch up on how things are going. But I can't go back there, even though they blame me for nothing. I can't go back without seeing what I blame my self for. And I can't go back there without seeing Jacob. It's too hard." Bella wiped a tear away from her cheek, trying not to think of him.

Carlisle stood up and walked to where she stood at the window, placing his hand on her shoulder. She avoided eye contact with him, instead staring out into the dark night. "Bella," he began, unsure as to what to say. He knew nothing he could say would make her feel better. "Bella, I know that an apology isn't enough for our involvement, or lack thereof, in this situation. But I hope you know how deeply sorry we are for everything you have been through. We never would have left if we even thought there was a chance that you, or anybody you loved, would be hurt. Obviously, it has cost everyone dearly. We only hope that you can one day forgive us, though I doubt we will ever forgive ourselves."

Bella said nothing, just stood there in silence, Carlisle's hand still on her shoulder. One by one, the rest of the family stood up and walked toward her at the window. Though nobody else touched her, they stood, hoping that just their presence would give her the support she needed to survive. Even Esme came back from the kitchen, her face hard as stone, though the pain behind her eyes was overwhelming.

"Please," Esme said, as she made her way through the crowd of vampires standing around her. "We know that you have lost your family and friends. But please know, you still have a family. We love you. We never stopped loving you. And we always will love you."

Bella looked at her, saying nothing. Yesterday, she had felt as if there was no hope left for her in this life. And now, all the strength she needed was standing around her, a wall of love and support, holding her up. But she didn't know if she could accept it.

She knew she didn't blame them for anything that happened to her. She blamed herself for everything, because she knew that if she had just let Victoria kill her, none of this would have happened. But she didn't know if she could trust them again, because they were the cause of her pain in the first place. More than her parent's deaths, more than Jacob's, their abandonment had been the worst pain she had ever felt. And she knew that she could never live through that again.


	24. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

Edward took Bella back to her dorm room around six o'clock that morning. When Bella noticed the time in the car, she groaned. "Ugh, I have class in three hours."

"I'm sorry," he said seriously, concerned that she wouldn't get enough sleep for the night. "Do you think maybe these past 24 hours have warranted ditching school?"

She contemplated this thought, but then realized what class she had that day. "I would, but it's my organic chemistry class, and I am seriously struggling right now. On top of that, the professor is an attendance Nazi, and I need all the points I can get."

"Well, if you're having trouble, you know that we can tutor you, right?" he said earnestly, hoping she would take him up on the offer.

She looked tiredly out the window. "Thanks, but I'll see how it goes. Maybe it will click for me soon."

He pulled up to the dorm parking lot and helped her out of the car. She once again refused his offered hand for assistance, and proceeded to trip out of the passenger seat.

"Awesome," she said, as his hand caught her before she could fall to the ground. "Can't anything go right in my life?"

He tried to hide the smile that came across his face. She was definitely still the Bella he once knew, clumsy as ever. Once she balanced herself against his steady hold, she expected him to release her elbow. Instead, he kept his hand firmly in place. Surprisingly enough, Bella didn't shake it away, and instead let him hold her arm in the awkward position.

The moment she got into her room, she fell, face first into her pillow and fell asleep. He waited uncomfortably in her doorway, unsure if he should stay or go. After a few moments of painful contemplation, he decided to stay, and planted himself in her desk chair.

For the next two and a half hours, he watched as she slept restlessly. She said nothing, for which he was relieved. But she was shifting positions constantly, never staying in the same place for more than five minutes at a time. He wanted desperately to go to her and hold her still, to let her know that it was all okay now. But he knew it wasn't okay. It would never be okay.

Eventually, as the sun made its way through her Eastern facing window, she began to calm down. For a half hour she slept peacefully, though at that time her sheets and clothes were drenched with sweat. He wondered if this type of sleeping was a common occurrence, or if it had something to do with the vents of the past day.

He waited for her to wake up, nervous as to whether or not she would be upset that he stayed. Finally, a half hour before her class was to begin, the alarm on her cell phone went off. She groaned and rolled over, reaching out on the nightstand for the device. Once she found it, she expertly hit snooze without even looking at the screen.

"I thought you needed to get ready for class," Edward said softly, though she hadn't even noticed him in the room yet.

She froze on the bed, mid roll. "What are you still doing here?" she asked. He still couldn't tell if she was angry at him for staying.

"I didn't know if you wanted me to stay or not. You fell asleep as soon as we got back. I wanted to make sure you were okay."

She moved her head from under the pillow and looked in his direction. He couldn't help but think how adorable she looked at that moment: her hair stuck up in a thousand different directions, and her eyes were still crusty with sleep. "Oh," was all she said. She sat up in the bed, and looked around nervously. At one time, she had been used to waking up with Edward Cullen in the same room. Now, however, his presence gave her butterflies in her stomach. She worried what she looked like, if her breath smelled. She worried about things that a normal girl would be worried about if she had an exceptionally good looking man in her room. She worried about things that she hadn't worried about in three years.

"Are you angry that I stayed," he asked, both of them avoiding eye contact with each other.

She bit her lip, unsure if she should admit how she truly felt. Finally, she let out a sigh. "No. I'm glad you stayed," she said.

"Good," he said, smiling slightly. "Are you sure you want to go to class today?"

"Yeah," she said, though he could hear how much she didn't really want to go. "I should probably get ready." She didn't move.

"I'll go wait in the living room," he said, getting up from his chair. "That is, if you want me to."

"I do," she said quietly. He looked at her for a few moments before turning and shutting the door behind him. He heard her exit the bedroom and the shower turn on. She stayed in the bathroom for only a few short minutes before returning to the bedroom. After about twenty minutes, she came into the living room.

"Will you walk me to class?" she asked shyly. He looked out the window to see if the early morning sun had decided to stay out today. Luckily for him, a thick cloud cover had already made its way over the university's campus.

"Of course," he said, following her into the hallway. They walked close together, neither one willing to break the small amount of distance that lay between them. Finally, silently and sweetly, Bella reached out, grabbing his hand. He smiled internally, knowing that everything just might be okay.


	25. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

Bella had become used to being invisible to most of the other student. She liked keeping her head down, pretending as if she didn't exist in the crowds of people that surrounded her. Even with Kevin, nobody noticed her.

Today was much, much different.

Edward hadn't been a major presence on campus during the first two weeks of the semester. He only took two classes, and only because his family had convinced him to. Regardless, every girl that went to the university knew who he was. And they all wanted him. Bad.

Bella was painfully aware of this as they made their way to the major quad area on campus. She kept her head down, trying to ignore the whispers that followed them wherever they went. Thankfully, however, she couldn't hear the thoughts that accompanied the gossip.

"What is it with that Swan girl? She's so weird. And now, she has him? So not fair."

"I thought she already had a hot boyfriend. Why does she have to take another one too?"

"What the hell does he see in her? She's so emo and depressed. It's annoying."

Edward attempted to keep a straight face as he walked her to her morning class. The thoughts and whispers were infuriating, especially since everyone thought they knew this girl. They obviously had no idea what had made her the way she was.

They eventually made their way to her classroom, though neither one was willing to let go when they actually arrived. They just stood there, facing each other, her left hand in his right. She refused to look up at him, but he desperately hoped that he could see her face just once before she went inside. Ever so gently, he placed his ice cold hand underneath her chin, slowly bringing it up so that their eyes could meet.

"Thank you," was all she said. He didn't know what he was referring to.

"I love you, Isabella."

She said nothing, just turned and walked into the classroom. He had no class that morning, so he sat outside of the door, waiting for her to be finished.

Once she entered the classroom, she walked straight to her lab table and set her book bag down on the ground. Usually, nobody bothered to talk to her in that class (or any class, really). But, of course, today was different.

"Hi Bella," said a voice from beside the lab table.

Bella looked up, startled. "Um, hi Stacy," she said. Stacy was a girl she had known, and hated, since their freshmen year. She was a tall, skinny girl with boobs as fake as the blonde highlights in her hair.

"So I noticed that you were walking with the new guy. I've had my eye on him for two weeks now, so I'm telling you now, back off. He's going to be mine," she sneered.

Bella looked at the girl in shock. What was she supposed to say to her? Sorry, but he's my vampire ex-boyfriend who just came back into my life and who I love desperately? "Um, okay," she said instead.

"If I see you two together again, I promise, you'll be sorry." For some strange reason, this actually made Bella laugh. Stacy watched as she failed to hide the giggle that escaped her lips. "Is something funny?" Stacy said, her voice extra nasally this time.

"No," Bella said, still smiling. She knew that even if she and Edward didn't stay together, he would never be with her. At least that gave her some satisfaction.

"Good," she said before walking back to her own lab table.

Bella listened vaguely to the lecture, though she knew that her grade depended on listening much more intently. Instead, she let her mind wander to the boy that had walked her to class.

She was nervous, to say the least. She didn't know why she tortured herself this way, believing that he just might still love her. Sure, he did say it only a few minutes before, but he'd said it and left before. There was nothing to keep him from leaving again. But just the hope that he would stay, made her feel more secure. It made her feel like she was actually worth something.

Obviously, she didn't want their family to stay out of guilt. That would almost be worse than them leaving again. But she couldn't think about that. He said he loved her. His entire family had said they loved her. But what would actually make her believe it?

Edward sat outside, oblivious to the scene that had just taken place inside the classroom. His head wasn't filled with the thoughts of others. He only thought of her. The way she looked that morning when she woke up; the way her hand felt in his own; her scent. It was almost too much for him to handle.

He waited anxiously for almost three hours for the class to be dismissed. Finally, he watched as the students began to exit the classroom. She was one of the last people out of the room, and he stood up, waiting for her to pass him. Before she could reach him, however, another presence made itself known.

"Hi," the girl said, attempting to be seductive. "I noticed you in my history class last week. I'm Stacy," she said, holding out her hand.

Edward eyed the appendage in relative disgust. "Edward," he said, ignoring the offered hand.

"Well, Edward," she said flirtatiously, "I was wondering if you wanted to take me to dinner sometime?" He couldn't help the eyebrow that he raised in her direction.

"I think I'm good," he said, looking in Bella's direction. She was now eyeing their interaction cautiously.

"Are you sure? I know I promise to show you a good time," she said, smiling.

He didn't even reward the ludicrous question with a response; he just stepped around her and made his way to the girl who actually held his heart.

"Are you fucking serious?" he heard her say from behind him. He smiled, knowing that yes, he was fucking serious. "You'll be sorry, Bella Swan," she said under her breath. She had no idea that Edward knew exactly what she was plotting.


	26. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

Bella sat in one of the cafeteria's plastic chairs, munching on a sandwich. It was the same sandwich she had every day for lunch: turkey on wheat bread with tomatoes and mustard. This day was much, much different, however. Because, instead of sitting at the table alone, she had company. And not just any company, either.

Alice, though she had wanted to follow her friend around all day like a little puppy dog, had graciously given her brother and Bella some much needed privacy. They needed to talk, though neither knew if they were ready. Regardless, they couldn't continue a relationship of any kind without defining what exactly was going on.

Edward watched Bella eat her sparse lunch silently. On her tray, along with her meager sandwich, sat a bottle of water and a small apple. Neither had been touched. He frowned, realizing that Bella had been depriving herself of much needed nutrition, which was probably why she looked as if she had lost twenty pounds. As soon as he saw her, he noticed how thin and frail she looked. But it wasn't until they sat at that table that he realized exactly what she was doing to her body. He frowned, though he knew it was a conversation that should be saved for a later day. Instead, he brought up the one topic that he knew needed to be resolved now. Because he needed her to know his intentions. And he needed to her know that he wasn't going anywhere.

"Bella," he started. He paused when he saw her stop eating, and lowering her sandwich to her tray. She knew what was coming. "Bella, I can't read your thoughts, and I have no idea what you think of this whole situation. But I need to know. How are you feeling right now?"

It was a loaded question. How was she feeling right now? Everything she felt was so confusing. She felt scared, yet relieved at the same time. She felt lonely, just as she had felt for the past year, though she knew Edward and his family were there for her. They knew what had happened to her, but they didn't understand. They didn't understand how lost and alone she was. She felt sad, knowing that she had caused Edward and his family pain, and she felt guilty. She was upset that they felt they could just come back into her life, but she couldn't put into words why she was upset. Yeah, she was thoroughly confused.

"I," she began, still unsure as to what she wanted to say. "I, I don't know. I don't know what I'm feeling. I know what I think about the situation. But I don't know how it makes me feel."

"Then what do you think about this situation," he said, motioning to the space in between them.

"I think it's weird," she said, her brow furrowing between her eyebrows. He thought it was absolutely adorable, though he was confused as to why she said it was weird. "Strange, I mean. It's too big of a coincidence that you are here. The world is too big for us to meet like this again by chance."

He understood exactly what she meant. "It's not chance. I think the world brought us back together for a reason," he said.

She looked off into space, her eyes focusing on some unseen object floating above Edward's head. "Perhaps. But for what reason? You didn't want me. You left me. Why would the world be so cruel as to bring you back to me, when you're what I've wanted all along?"

He was startled at this statement, though he should have been ecstatic. She wanted him. "That's the reason right there," he said, scooting his chair closer to hers. "You are all I want. You're all I've ever wanted. I made the biggest mistake of my existence when I left you. And now, the world is trying to remedy that mistake. We are meant to be together."

She frowned. "If we are meant to be together, why didn't it work out that way? Like I said, you left. Regardless of whether or not it was a mistake, there was a reason why you left. You didn't want me anymore."

He wanted to cry as she said this. "No," he growled. Her eyes widened as she realized the ferocity in his voice. "No," he said again, more gently this time. "I've always wanted you. I know that you won't believe this now. Or tomorrow. Or maybe even the next day, month, year. But I swear to you, Isabella Swan. You will know the truth soon. I've made an absolutely mess of everything, and whether or not you blame me for it, I blame myself. I love you, more than words can describe. This is my promise to you."

She was speechless, to say the least. She wanted to run to him, leap into his arms and stay there for the rest of eternity. But she'd given up on the reality of that fantasy long ago. Life was too harsh to believe in fairy tales, and she had learned that the hard way.

"You say that now," she finally said, her voice small. "You say you love me. You say you need me. Then why did you leave me? Because I don't understand."

"I left you because I wanted you to be safe. You didn't belong in my world. But leaving you was worse than any physical pain I could ever experience in my life. And obviously, you weren't safe while I was gone. I put you, and everyone you know, in the worst danger possible. So, there is no point in staying away from you any longer."

She looked at him sadly. "I understand, I think. But I also think you might be too late. I'm not the same, Edward. I'm not the same girl you used to know. You only think you love me, but you love the old me. What is going to happen when you realize that? Will you leave again, even though you say there's no point in staying away from me any longer?"

He looked at her, frustrated. "Do you love me?" He finally said.

He waited in agonizing silence for her to respond.

She loved him, she knew that with all her heart. She wanted him more than anything in the entire world. And as guilty as it made her feel, she would choose him over having her family and friends back. She would choose Edward over bringing Jacob back. But she knew that there was no reason for him to love her. Especially not when she didn't even love herself.

She prepared herself to say those words. Before they could come out, however, her heart beat out heard head, and her mouth began to move on it's own accord.

"I do," she said. "I love you, Edward."


	27. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

"You love me," Bella said quietly, her head against Edward's chest.

"Truly, I do," he said just as softly as he stroked her beautiful hair. They had made their way back to Bella's dorm room, neither willing to leave one another for classes that afternoon. Now they lay on her bed, their arms wound tightly around each other.

"I love you too," she said. She had said it a few more times on their walk back to her dorm. Each time she said those words, however, they became more concrete. Not because she didn't mean them before, but because she was beginning to understand what telling him meant. It meant the beginning of a long healing process.

She couldn't blame Edward for anything that had happened. She loved him entirely too much to be angry or upset with him. She had always known there would be nothing to forgive, even if it was all his fault. Regardless, the road to recovery would be long. And not just her recovery; her relationships with Edward, as well as all of the Cullens, needed to be repaired.

They heard the front door to the dorm open, and were surprised to hear multiple voices coming from the living room.

"Oh, shit," Bella said, closing her eyes and putting her hand over her face. "Liz has a study group this afternoon."

Edward frowned and moved her hand away from her face. "That's better," he said, smiling. "Now, why is that such a problem? They don't need to bother us in here."

"It's a problem because of who is in the study group," Bella moaned. She really didn't want anything to interrupt her perfect afternoon.

"Who is it?" Edward asked, though all he had to do was listen to who was in the living room to know.

"Who do you think," Bella said, sighing.

Edward smiled encouragingly in her direction and got up from the bed before they heard the knock on the door.

"What are you doing?" Bella whispered furiously as he made his way to the door. "She doesn't need to know we are here."

"Liz already told her you were," he said simply, before opening the door. Standing immediately outside of Bella's bedroom was Stacy. Her angry smile turned into one of confusion, however, when she realized who had answered the door.

"What are you doing here?" she asked.

He ignored the question. "Can I help you?"

She looked at him for a moment, her face deep in contemplation. "Well, I was going to speak to Bella, but I would much rather talk to your beautiful face," she said, her voice almost too low for Bella to hear.

He said nothing, just looked at her in disgust. "I guess Bella's already made it clear that she's willing to give it up for you," she said, glancing toward Bella, who was sitting on the bed, a mortified look on her face. "But, if you choose me, I can promise that you'll enjoy it much more than you would with _her_." At that, Bella couldn't help herself as she rolled her eyes at Stacy's pathetic attempt to seduce Edward.

Edward sighed heavily and pinched the bridge of his nose in an attempt to curb his irritation at being interrupted for such a stupid reason. He felt a soft, familiar hand on his other arm, and opened his eyes to find Bella there, trying to calm him.

"Stacy," she said quietly. "If all you are here to do is try and steal my boyfriend from me, I should tell you now that it's useless. And you should probably just leave. Now."

"Excuse me," Stacy said, looking at Bella in shock. "You weren't asked to join this conversation. I think you should be the one to leave."

Bella looked at the girl, her eyes tired but filled with a newfound confidence. "This is my room you idiot," she said.

Stacy narrowed her eyes at Bella. "Did you forget what I told you today? He's mine. I've had my eye on him for weeks you slut."

Bella sighed at the name, knowing that there was really no point in arguing with the stupid girl. She moved away from Edward's side and back toward the bed, not in defeat, but to signify to Edward that she was, in fact, done with the conversation at the point.

Stacy smiled at her assumed victory. "Now, where were we," Stacy said, taking a step closer to Edward and reaching out to caress him arm. Edward recoiled at the touch, his eyes blazing fury. Bella simply sat on the bed, her cheek resting on her knees.

"You may have had your eye on me for weeks," Edward said angrily. "Which is probably the most time you spend on any one guy anyway. But Bella's had my heart for five years. Sorry, but the choice isn't difficult for me to make."

"What?" Stacy asked, thoroughly confused. "Five years? I've known her for a while now and she's never mentioned you," she spat at him.

"You might not understand our relationship," he said softly, looking back at the girl that truly had held his un-beating heart for five years. "But I could care less. You need to leave now, before I call my sisters to come and kick your ass.

Stacy looked at him, a mixture of fear and anger brewing in her beautiful blue eyes. "You'll be sorry for this," she said angrily. "Both of you..."

He didn't even wait for her to finish her sentence, just closed the door in her face before walking back the bed, and into the arms of the girl he loved.


End file.
